Enchanted pen

                                               DEAR DIARY………EPISODE 14

Dear Diary,

You know there should be a movie on my life. And the reason I say this is because like I don’t know you’re walking around, you’re happy, you’re set on your everyday routine, there aren’t any changes and BAM! There’s a situation for you to crash in and make a million pieces of yourself. I know that it sounds dramatic but come on I deserve a break and while I’m sitting peacefully it’s like all people can talk about is my marriage. Why god why, why are you doing this to me? Ya just sitting in the living room isn’t peaceful anymore. I’m getting bio data instead of useful messages or messages from my friends to just hang out and chill. I was a tad bit angry when this happened but surprisingly the guy was beyond my expectations. Born and brought up in South Delhi, Lives in Paris because of a job and I was like hold it. He looks good, has good financial stability, lives in my dream destination, we have matching hobbies and my mind is going like it’s too good to be true. 

We had an elaborate discussion about what he and his family does and like how they live and as it turns out they are always travelling, I thought it’s a teeny bit exhausting to do that. My father liked the guy, actually most of the family did and they looked at me and asked: “What are your thoughts on this?” and I replied like: “I mean everything looks great and since they’re open minded and the family is nice I say continue.” After I gave the green light most of the things happened hastily. They matched the stars, asked the astrologers and when everything was good my grandmother said no and because of some or the other reason that alliance did not go through as well. I figured it’s a good thing I did not meet the guy, maybe I would have been disappointed. After two days of that drama another bio data came from Shruti’s father in law. The guy was a multi millionaire, good looking and was from Bangalore. My mother for once was excited about this one and gave a green light at once but then again I told her: “Mom it’s not necessary for this to come through, don’t build bridges on this one, it may crush your dreams.” and that is exactly what happened and after that there was a long pause on not seeing guys for me and I was kind of relieved from not being in that rat race.

I kind of had a conversation with my father telling that I don’t think that you should be communicating with the guys because it was making me emotionally confused and a little affected. He agreed and there was a careful screening which my father had adapted so that there were no more bubbles or dreams created until and unless it was actually happening. 

And anyways me and my sister had different plans. So coming back to reality Shruti was actually looking to do something together and it wasn’t like just for passing some time, it was actually to make a career out of it and so we decided to go on a musical retreat to Cherrapunji and I was so excited to spend a whole month in the mountains with the scenery and just the perfect amount of cold weather. So me and my sister actually made a presentation for our father and he was impressed and the next thing you know, we gave off the fees and were set to go to the mountains.

It was exciting for me to have something new in my hand, just that adrenal rush to learn and experience new things was calling out from the mountains and to be honest there is nothing more perfect than a mountain vacation where you can just grasp all the nature in you and I had the best partner to enjoy, so I was thrilled. We got to our preparations and there was about 15 days till we boarded that plane and well I did not know what the future held but I was ready for everything. And honestly it was a well deserved break for me and my sister mentally and emotionally. We went out on a shopping spree, got all the necessary items and pre-packed so we wouldn’t leave anything behind and when I was all tired and ready to go, things changed in a snap of a second.

I got a PDF on a whatsapp message and when I opened that I got to know that… that, well Daksh was in a horrible accident and he got badly injured, there were chances for him to go the ICU but well god saved him and further he wrote that it made him realise that no women can ever be good enough for him and that.. He wouldn’t ever meet or be with any other women because he just cannot and that since I was over him, he wanted to give me a few things and when I got the parcel I saw that he had my every single memory, my wishlist, my diaries and all the messages printed out of what he thought were the most special to save. 

I…uh, I was trembling, heartbroken, couldn’t move for hours and just started weeping and I couldn’t breathe, it was like a piece of me was taken out and broken again. I just had so many mixed emotions that nothing mattered, I wanted to see him, hug him and just be with him. My heart was telling me that: “I thought you told everyone you moved on, how can you cry and why would you cry until and unless you did not care so much about a person that it stopped your breath? Think shanaya.” I couldn’t hold my emotions and I couldn’t go to anyone nor my sister or Arnav because they thought that I don’t have any emotions anymore, It got so messed up but the one thing that I realised that I need to know what my emotions are and where am I standing and what I actually wanted. 

I know that my heart and brain had indirectly told me but I wanted to be clear. I wanted to quit being a brat and just be the person who went after what she wanted and who wasn’t scared anymore. And I knew that the only way to do that is to sit and think and being here wouldn’t help that, it was necessary to clear myself first and then make the right decision and since I had the perfect opportunity to go away now I thought I will come as a new, renounced person after this trip. The Shanaya who will be returning after this trip will be the most committed and clear person for her goals. Since I was weeping so much my dear brother in law Maahir came and consoled me, he’s always been protective, sweet and just the chillest person to hang out with for me. After sometime I told Shruti everything and I told her that she needs to be with me and like actually help me find a solution. So Diary, as we move on to this trip let me take you for an adventure when I write next, spill the beans later, but for now Toodeloo! 

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