Enchanted pen

                                              DEAR DIARY ………EPISODE 10

Dear Diary,

You know what a love triangle is like? One or the other day it will explode. And do you know who an idiot is? The person writing to you at this moment. There are three points here, you know. No. 1 that I feel guilty as hell for doing this, No. 2 I feel like killing Arnav to make me do this in the first place and No. 3 I feel like I don’t know myself anymore, it’s like I betrayed myself to be toxic, Does that make any sense? ugh , I forgot you can’t speak. OMG what have I done, I have no career, I have no love life and my life is tangled in a chain where I’m living a double life and my parents just don’t know it yet. I know diary, if you were a person and my best friend you would be ready to kill me. And I deserve it because my life officially sucks because of me. 

Enough is enough. It’s time to imply one of the greatest mantras in my life. When you feel that your life is falling apart you fight, when you feel people are taking advantage, be the bitchiest you can and if you have guilt, rectify the damn mistake. So it’s time to do surgery and I quit playing these meaningless games and I quit playing with people’s feelings right this instant. So I civilly called the first guy to this adorable cafe. I’m going to take a moment to talk about this place because it’s just so gorgeous. It’s placed in the middle of the city, with cute interiors and just amazing food. The best part about it is it’s desserts and we know that I’m gonna need them as soon as I spill the beans because come on nothing makes a girl feel better like a bowl full of dessert. He came in and greeted me with the sweetest smile and as soon as we sat down at this corner table so that we could speak in peace he asked me all these questions about How I am? How my day was and I just felt so bad. But we’re here to rip the band aid off, so let’s do it. I narrated the entire story, his jawline was not so chiselled anymore, he was sad and was quiet for a long- long time. 

I know I did the right thing , right diary? because being untrue to others feelings is not my character portrayal and plus I can’t stand to be the person who makes others sad. I already did it once and that wasn’t helpful but yet here I am doing it again. Only if I had used my brains to see through that people are people so double playing is not an option until both the parties know beforehand that it is just casual. Lesson learnt. His sweet little face snapped to sadness like a piece of licorice and I knew he was controlling his emotions to be inside because he did not want to react the wrong way.

He asked me : “Why on earth did you not tell this to me before, I understand the casual thing Shanaya but after knowing that he is a common friend of mine through someone you should’ve done something, now things are going to be plain awkward, why didn’t you tell earlier?” I was on the verge of blank space after he asked me that question but I got back to reality and remembered what I had to do. His pretty eyes were set on me waiting for my lips to move. I replied: “Listen, I know that I should’ve acted right the second I got to know about your friendship, but I panicked about how I was stupid enough to date two guys and I guess I couldn’t stand the fact that I for one person came between two friends. I feel ridiculously awful for this situation, I’m so sorry.” He gasped and sighed. It was clear that he was disappointed but he took a deep breath and looked towards me and said: “Okay, so you’ve told me the whole story, you’re going to tell him the whole story, that’s one side but the real question is who are you choosing?” I was in shock and I asked: ‘huh’? He explained: “I understand your situation and it’s not like you committed to either one of us, so now that you’ve told everything you must be wanting to continue with someone right? That’s how modern dating works. So who are you choosing, I need to know that.” I was in a pure state of shock, I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth and now my mind was working two ways one was for killing Arnav and the other was preparing the answer. So I took a deep breath and replied: “ Listen Mr, I’m gonna be freaking honest with you, I have come to a realisation that modern dating is not my cup of tea so I quit and to answer your other question I’m sorry I can’t see the both of you anymore because it’s wrong and I know things won’t workout. I’m sorry I created this fuss but I know this is the best decision for me.” 

BOOM!!! I went through a tunnel, as I spoke he did not have much to say and completed his sentence with : “you should know your worth, you’re not that easy to forget.” and just gave me one last kiss and took off. I did not know how to react to that, it’s a little disturbing but sweet, and you know what it’s one down and one more to go. Although after he left I ate 3 pieces of cake as I went home. Ya, I know I really am a messed up sweet tooth.

It was the next day after I ripped one band aid off and one more to go. I chose this open garden cafe which has great coffee and food. He came in but he was pretty angry already and before I could greet him he had already started talking a little aggressively, firing all these questions : “How can you be so sick? You could’ve told me and I would’ve moved out of the way. You know I thought you were an honest girl, you just broke that trust into pieces, why on earth would you do that to me?” I was very confused so I just took a chance to cut him off and calm him down. I asked calmly : “Listen Mr, you are confusing me right now, I need to know where you’re getting this context from, so before you fire me with accusations please ask and listen to the entire story.” He took a deep breath and continued: “ I had met my friend and when I showed him your picture he told me that you were dating my other friend too and when you asked me to come here I was already mad, I’m sorry I should’ve stayed calm.” As he finished he got those double coloured eyes on me and I noticed how good he was looking in that white shirt and blue pants combinations but I focused my attention back and narrated him the entire story and well his reaction was surprising. He told : “Well, what do you know I was wrong to not follow the rules of this generations dating, I should’ve asked you of what you were looking for and not just sprung on expectations, I’m sorry, I’ll always remember you, Anyway I’ll take your leave because I just can’t stay.”

OMG! This one was like a roller coaster of emotions, well all’s well that ends well. I know I did right by my side. Anyway diary, you know it’s time I take back my life back in control and I have to do something and by the looks of this situation I’m gonna keep myself busy and utilise my time effectively. I love music and music loves me, I shall use my gift and focus on what matters to me and my family. I have to stop fooling around because sooner or later my parents will find someone. And so this is my new mantra: “be zen, be safe.” But before I apply that, me and Arnav have some talking to do. See you later alligator. Toodeloo!