Enchanted pen

                                                    DEAR DIARY………EPISODE 7

Dear diary,

You know that feeling when you just feel like if you handle any more of life you could just die of stress? That is exactly what I feel like right now, like so much has happened in such a short notice I feel used and useless at the same time. Ugh! It’s true what elders say, you have to be cautious because the world is cruel. You know what I say they are crue piranhas, who just don’t care about feelings or the fact that you’re a nice person. If they are toxic, you’re toxic. That’s right I’m talking about guys. I’ve hit the teenage feeling when I’m 23. And I’ve used the term FML….

Let’s go a little back in time. The last time I was telling about how the bumble has started to respond on one side and how Daksh had left me a second message on the other hand. When I went home I was binge watching this really romantic show and I was just so overwhelmed and I just wanted that feeling back. It was just perfect. Me and Daksh sure did have good times but the thing was after he went to college in a different city we were in a long distance relationship for about 3 years, we would meet very less and I knew that new friends and new studies along with parties so I wasn’t clingy. Whenever he had time we had good conversations but after he was settled there he forgot I do too have a life of my own and there were problems that I was facing and I wasn’t. By the 3rd year it was plain fights coz I was tired and in the 4th year covid hit the entire world. Talk about bad luck.

We used to fight so much. He wasn’t able to understand what I’m trying to tell him and I never asked for dates and gifts and parties. Just time and when he couldn’t even give me that I felt neglected and obviously I spoke to him about it and it was fine for a few days again but then it just wasn’t bearable to me. But later when he sent those long messages he was trying to tell me of how he’s my best friend first and that he understood, it’s just that after he came back home he couldn’t do much because of his family circumstances and that he was planning something but we broke up. But i was so hurtful like someone had punched my gut or just broken my heart to a million pieces. It was very hard for me to do such a thing because I was the kind of person who put others first and couldn’t stand hurting their loved ones. After a while I turned off my feelings and whatever happened after that were pure sins and mistakes which a jolly Shanaya would never do in her entire life. Just the devil mode is bad for any human being. 

Now since those emotions were off and I saw Daksh’s message telling me that he just requires another chance to make things right. I replied to him with all the politeness that exists that I can’t stand to go through pain again so I’m not so sure. Basically back off, I’m not in the mood right now. As bad as I felt that time the devil overpowering me told me that it was just the right decision. And while I completed that show and just split off for a break I messaged Arnav that there are 2 matches on my bumble. He asked me to screenshot the profile and he researched how they are and everything. After that he told me to come on talk to both of them and see who you like more and then I went like: “What if I like both of them, then what happens.” and he says this is the 21st century and this is not a serious commitment you can see more than one person in a dating world. And I asked, wouldn’t that be exhausting and just it goes like a meaningless experience and besides why would I like to go on dates with people who do not want to commit? And he goes: “Listen Miss Shanaya, you are not in a position to get into a relationship just shut up and text both of them and have some fun instead of sulking.” I said fine but kept the bitchy attitude to yourself and I texted both of them. Both the guys were cute, guy no 1: had good height, was hot and well we shared similar interests and guy no 2 was cute, super sweet and shared similar interests too.

What do you think diary, am I pulling my life apart, is it okay to date 2 guys at once, did I take the right decision with Daksh? Ugh! So many questions and I have no answers, I know I’m pretty cold right now but I’m very tangled up in my mind and plus this shit is just splitting my focus and plus I forgot that I have a career to make. Maybe that’s how it happens and you know what the most important thing is I forgot that my parents are finding a suitor for me and if another guy enters what on earth am I going to do? Oh dear diary, I wish you could talk but for now I can just pray that god shows me the right way. Will spill the beans later, but for now, toodeloo!