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                                                   DEAR DIARY………EPISODE 13

Dear Diary,

Hie there Diary, I know I let you in such curiosity like it’s a thriller movie and even though I was just telling you about the flashback I had a lot of thinking to do you know. Alright I’m kidding, let’s spill the beans shall we? So when I woke up I was like new day let’s get it. But then I realised what had happened yesterday and I got to thinking while I was doing all my morning chores. It was a pleasant day, mom and dad had already left for Pune and well I was just doing my usual work and started this rom com movie, which was so sweet that gave me the feeling that maybe I should marry a fictional guy. And then just like 10 minutes before Shruti was entering the house I got to thinking that okay so marriage has to happen one day and age doesn’t matter that was point no. 1, no. 2 was what if I’m not ready but then again I’ll never be ready, right? No. 3 was that I know it’s tough but I just have to deal with this so whatever happens I’ll go for it with an open mind and anyways the decision is on me. 

After I analysed those points I got reminded of what Shruti had said: “ You sure you don’t want Daksh anymore in your life.” he was and will always be my first love but I decided to let go of him and plus you’re not supposed to read your books backwards, so I decided to leave it just as it is. She came inside and immediately threw a bomb saying that: “Hey! I just spoke to mom and dad and they will be going to the guy’s house by tomorrow morning.” I was like “Oh, okay! Since you’re here you look after the house I’m going out with Arnav.” She replied: “You sure? After what happened you are still gonna meet him.” and I said with full confidence that: “hey, we’re best friends first and whatever it is, we can sort it out.” I went outside and it was very sunny that day, like the sun could burn up your skin. Anyway I got to the cab reached the cafe and was waiting for him to arrive, we were meeting at our usual restobar which was near our house and I was hoping that we would have a good conversation but you know he had been through a lot these days his father had passed away a few days ago and he was not in a right place to be sane. His father had cancer for a long time and he eventually got very sick and passed away. He came in and gave me a long hug. We sat down for a usual gossip and after sometime he got a little mad at me for not wishing him on his birthday and then I explained that I just wanted to give him space and it could be a tricky situation because it can be both insensitive and a little offensive. 

Me and Arnav had a pretty good time until he asked me what’s new in my life? And obviously I told him the truth and then he asked me: “Okay listen, I know that there are a lot of differences for us and maybe I just have a crush on you, but can’t we take the chance? I mean for a second like how can I not fall in love or like a girl who is beautiful, emotionally mature and just you nature and your presence, like do you have any idea how beautiful you and your soul is? I mean I would die for this, so why can’t we?” I was too stunned to speak I was gazing at the air for 2 minutes and when I snapped back, I calmed down drank a sip of water, listened to the music playing on the background, gasped and replied: “Listen Arnav You’re one of the best people I’ve met in my entire life and the way you’ve described about me makes me feel that I do not deserve it because you know for a fact that I don’t really consider myself as beautiful as you say.” He cut me off and replied: “You are a crazy person, how on earth can you think that you aren’t beautiful, huh? I mean your light brown eyes they shine in the light just perfectly in line with you gorgeous lashes, your smile is so charming that any guy could fall for it, those cute dimple you have is just so mesmerising, and just the way your personality is and the way you forgive or just be there for someone is beyond me and you tell me that you’re not beautiful? That is ridiculous. And you know it hurts my gut every time you say that someone will just take you away.” I was out of words and I thought am I that shallow to think so bad for myself I mean I don’t know but still I looked at him and I realised I don’t want to lose my bestfriend so I grabbed that couraged and said: “okay, I maybe stupid for not loving myself and maybe I’m dumb enough to recognize somethings but you have to know that as of this time our 13 years of friendship is coming near and as hard it is for me to tell you, I just don’t see you that way, I will always consider myself the person who worked hard to get you your 1st girlfriend who did not love you and I still consider her stupid, I just I can’t I value our friendship too much to mess it up.” 

I walked home with an emotional turmoil and decided that I made the right decision with Arnav and I know that life may surprise me but I just have to deal with it. My parents might meet the new guy’s family tomorrow and maybe I should take a break with all of this and prepare for what is coming. I slept a little late and was a little sad that day. I woke up the next morning and as usual did all my work and did not think of anything that day but then my phone buzzed Tring … .Tring… It was my pops, I picked it up and he said we did not go to their house and maybe this alliance won’t come through. I replied okay and asked them about their trip and after a while when he cut the call I looked up and said: “I guess even you want to give me sometime.” and never spoke of that topic again. 

I called my sister and narrated everything and after feeling a little light I just consoled myself that maybe right now all I need to do is to work hard and do something instead of getting into all this and just messing myself up. Everything was pretty normal and fun for a few days. I was playing games with my family, watching series, getting inspiration and even started writing a little bit  and I took a deep breath and said “Everything is going to be okay.” but you know I shouldn’t tell these things aloud because while the family was sitting in the living room my father shared with me bio data for another guy and truth to be told he was beyond my expectations, but looks like storytime is over, spill the beans later diary! Toodeloo!