Enchanted pen

                                                  DEAR DIARY….. EPISODE1

Dear diary,

Hi! My name is Shanaya. Do you remember me? Your dear old pal and a talented composer. You’re probably wondering how I got to the place in my life when I chose to write to you. Let’s just say that throughout the period I didn’t talk to you, there was a lot going on and there was so much I wanted to tell you but couldn’t. But that’s enough for now; I’ve missed us, our friendship, and the story we tell through my words and pen. Along with your understanding and the satisfaction of sharing feelings. Oh! Oh, no, what am I doing? We made a deal that we wouldn’t remember the time we’d lost, therefore we’re going to talk about something that will send shivers up your spine because this story is worth reading.

Let’s get this party started. It’s 2022, and as usual, I have lofty expectations for the year that I’m unlikely to achieve. Oh well! Try and try again till you succeed. Ha! That’s the motivation I normally use, hoping that it would eventually work.  So far, I’ve done well. I’m having trouble dealing with myself, I’m not sure what songs I should write, and most significantly, I’m not sure where my life has gone. I’m basically going insane overthinking every single decision I’ve ever made in my life. Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s just a Taurus personality trait. Every day when I get out of bed, I tell myself, “Come on Shanaya, you love music, you create music as if it’s a healing medicine for everything.” It won’t be difficult to find a quiet area of the home, sit down, and concentrate.” And whoosh! as soon as I touch my laptop and open it! It’s gone, my mind is blank, and before you know it, I’m back to daydreaming.

Yeah! You guessed it right, it’s the same old story where I’m crying and roasting myself with full sarcasm. 

As a member of an Indian family, you have a thousand weddings to attend before the monsoon arrives. And here I am, packed for at least three or four journeys at the same time before departing for the one final trip I had been looking forward to. I wish I could just skip all of them and go straight to my final vacation planned for the end of July. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a long time. It’s an art retreat for all artists to enhance their talents, train their minds to get the creative juices flowing, and most importantly, to learn how to build a career out of it. The sky embraces the mountains in this magnificent place named Cherrapunji in Meghalaya. Through the small town, you enjoy a green scenic view of the forests on the slopes. Cold enough to give you goosebumps, but warm enough to wrap up under your blanket with a cup of coffee and read a book. 

So you’re aware that I recently ended a relationship. It’s been almost a year and a half since October 24, 2020. I had the will to walk away from something I both liked and disliked.  It’s as if a new hole has been formed, which will be extremely difficult to fill. I know I made the correct choice. For the first time in my life, I thought about myself rather than the feelings of the other. It still hurts, but I don’t show it because, as you know, I have this habit of keeping things to myself, and perhaps you should count yourself fortunate because nothing has ever been concealed from you. It’s critical that I regain control of the mess I’ve made for myself; the last time I left my house, I left strong and confident, and now that I’m leaving again, I’m hoping life has a wonderful surprise in store for me.

Life was pulling me in multiple directions. Amidst the turmoil of my thoughts and emotions, I sought solace in the anticipation of my upcoming art retreat in Cherrapunji. It was my sanctuary, a place where creativity and self-discovery intertwined. However, before I could immerse myself in the mountains’ tranquillity, I had to navigate the chaotic web of family expectations. Ugh! I’m tired of my family telling me to get married or giving me advice when it’s unnecessary. But I’ll breathe through it because I have to and can. It’s the last wedding, and after that, I’ll be able to reap the benefits of my patience by doing what I love most in the world. 

You know, it’s very difficult to deal with these thoughts because every time someone tells me that it’s going to be me next, I have to get married even though I’m only 23… It’s difficult. I used to think that love wasn’t a great feeling in my heart because I had known that person for a long time, but this is to marry a total stranger in such a short period of time. It frightens me, but I’m also hopeful that everything will work out. It could be better than I was thinking, what if it’s a perfect match, and with those what if’s, I always throw myself in delusion. My history was not pretty, and I’m used to being the one who disregards her own sentiments. Being insecure about my looks and making mistakes just when I thought everything is going well.

“Little did I know, the journey to self-discovery was about to continue in the most unexpected way.”

So I eventually made it to the mountains. Aaah… It’s simply one of nature’s best features. It’s not only desirable to the eyes, but it also stimulates you to reconnect with yourself, breathe through the optimism, and simply enjoy the beauty. So, it’s the first day, and your view should be of meeting new people, embarking on new experiences, and giving your all. But, as usual, we’re talking about Shanaya. I’m afraid to approach people, I don’t enjoy socialising, and it’s exhausting to begin a friendship with someone. The only thing I’m thankful about is that I have a partner. Shruti, my darling little angry bird, is here. The balance of my life, she can be a jerk at times, but what are sisters for if they couldn’t irritate you even a little bit? Whatever the case may be, I adore her and hope she realises it. 

I enter into the lesson with confidence and begin to smile because there are only a few students. According to my psychology, if you’re attempting to learn something in a group, the fewer the individuals, the better the adventure. Because the population is smaller, you have more fun, you know everyone, the teacher can offer you divided attention, and you have a terrific experience. So, what else do you need from this? So Shruti and I were waiting for everyone to arrive; there were already two lovely ladies from Delhi. We had a little conversation with them, and they were extremely nice. Ananya and Ashwita had almost spent their entire lives together. Ananya had those multi coloured eyes that shone wherever she looked, dark colour, decent height, and hella sexy! Ashwita was controlled and cool, gave deadly responses yet cared like a mother who has the most beautiful smile, dark brown eyes with voluminous black hair, walked in with a personality, so yeah really chill. Then the other three foreigners arrived. There are two girls and one guy. Yeah, just like that, there was a destruction that I had no idea would affect me in a day or two. There was also another female from Ukraine.

We arrived at the introduction section, which began with the two most beautiful Israeli girls, who could be presented as the definition of true beauty over here. Ayala is the first. Big, stunning blue eyes, fair skin, curly blonde hair that defines her face, charming short stature, flexible figure, and a wandering spirit. She may be described as the one with a very fascinating mind, yet she’s a fairly cute doll and straightforward once you get to know her. Namy is the name of the second one. You can tell she’s a tall, confident woman just by looking at her. She has light brown eyes, short brunette yet brown hair, and a calm and serene attitude, as well as a thin muscular figure with a sharp jawline. You can tell she’s either an athlete or a model with a powerful body based on her appearance. 

 But wait, there’s something more on my mind….. Something beautiful that I’m not sure if I can get it, something poetic which soothes my mind, something by which I’m fascinated by just looking at it and something which just swept me off my feet.

Oh, yes, diary! You guessed correctly, it’s the dude. He has these gorgeous hazel eyes that look right into your heart, as well as a celebrity’s body. Broad muscles, little curly milk brown hair and beard, a jawline that flips his grin, and a smile. Ooh, that smile, it’s simply so capable of staring at those white teeth with a side grin coming straight through those gorgeous pink lips. It makes you want to go straight to them and kiss them. Ahem! I apologise for getting carried away.

Oh my goodness! What am I going to do? That character just won’t leave my head, and it’s driving my mind and emotions insane. You know how I overthink things? Well, now my mind is just thinking about it, and where it goes is not favourable to my aim. But I am a strong person, and I shall continue. My sister is aware of it and believes I should confess. How, I mean? I’m a total loser on this subject, and my mind will never let me accomplish it since I’ll inevitably screw it up. And you know what there is something else too but for now toodeloo!